i didn’t know that we were drifting apart until i started rereading our texts. 

my “how are you doing today?” “did you eat yet?” “don’t work too hard!” and your one or two word response. the gaps between my text and your reply, and the immediacy of my reply to yours. flashbacks to holding my phone to my chest at night wondering if you were going to text back or if you had already fallen asleep, when in reality i was the farthest thing on your mind. 

the more i scroll up, the more i realize the difference between you now and you back then. you used to lay your head on my shoulder and tell me about your summer abroad, about the time you got drunk and made out with someone in a deserted park. you used to teach me about probability because i sucked at math but i still don’t know shit about it because i was too distracted by the way your lips moved to pay attention. you used to twirl my hair around your fingers when we watched movies. you used to insist that you see me in person on my birthdays. we used to see each other everyday. 

and i exit the messaging app, because i feel like i’m thinking about an entirely different person. it’s still you; you look the same, you sound the same, you like the same things, you have the same habits. the only difference is that i’m not in your life anymore. not because i cut you off, but because you distanced yourself from me so gradually and naturally that i didn’t notice it until i started rereading our texts.