okay, so. i logged onto my old fb account and read some messages that you and i sent back and forth in... 2014? 2015? i don't know why it's so hard to read through them. it's not like i still miss you. but maybe reading those messages reminds me of how i felt then.

about four years ago, i think i was in love. probably? i don't know. but i was also really young. four years ago, i was sixteen. i was really sure i was going to do music as a career and i thought i was going to go to cal state long beach and maybe teach / volunteer at westminster and you know what, that probably might have happened if everything else didn't go to shit.

and maybe i didn't even want to do music, and maybe i just wanted to do everything that you did. maybe i thought being in love with you meant i had to become, in some parts, you. or maybe i wanted to do those things because it made me feel closer to you, who i was in love with?

but i probably wasn't really in love, because i was sixteen and young and naive and i probably would have fallen in "love" with anyone who took two seconds to actually get to know me.

and maybe that's me right now, too. i mean, not much could have changed. maybe if someone takes two seconds to get to know me, i'll fall in love with them. or maybe since i don't even know what that means, i'll think i'm falling in love but end up hurting myself again.