You would think I'd get used to it, right, having left so many people that I had come to care about so much. You would think so, but it hurt every single time I had to leave them. Sometimes it was known beforehand that I would have to leave, and other times, it was a surprise, but either way, it didn't stop me from feeling that tightening squeeze in my chest that left me feeling helpless.
And this time, we all know. All of us have something we want to hold on to, I think. Maybe we wish for those days to come back, where we'd all go do laundry together and wait in that stuffy laundromat for the drier to stop spinning, feeling groggy and tired. Or maybe, we're going to miss those car rides after work, when even the five minute drive felt too long because the hard day at work left us feeling exhausted to the point where squeezing out even a single word felt like we were expelling too much energy. Maybe it's just the simple things like waking up too late on Sunday morning and hurrying to get ready for church. Maybe it's things like taking turns for the bathroom and pounding on the door, telling the person inside to hurry up. Maybe it's the little fights by the piano that always revolved around the same subject but never resulted in an answer. Maybe it's quiet rides down Pacific Coast Highway. Maybe it's the sound of hymns resounding from the piano. Maybe it's the repeating click, click as you clip your fingernails outside on the staircase.
I know there are things we don't want to let go. I know that it hurts because some of these things, they're things we can never have back. I know they're simple things, little things, unmemorable things, but I also know that it's something that's hard to let go of because they're things we did together.
And I know you need my help. Please don't look at me like that. Don't make it harder for me to leave all of these things.