the house was so quiet. maybe i'm just not used to sleeping without a podcast or playlist on, but i couldn't hear anything except the rustle of bedsheets as i curled into myself. and the darkness, too, maybe that had something to do with it. it was pitch black, and i couldn't even make out the shape of my own hand right in front of my eyes. maybe it was the unfamiliar plumpness of the pillow, or the way the mattress seemed to swallow me whole. maybe it was that i was sleeping alone and the only breathing was mine and that just wasn't enough to distract me to sleep. 

and i could swear the silence was so loud. it was as if my ears were desperate to fill that space, devoid of sound, with something, anything. all my brain could think of was fifteen layers of static, all at different pitches, echoing into my ears as though it was coming from all around the room and not my own head. i thought i was going crazy, and i knew squeezing my eyes tight shut and clamping my hands over my ears wouldn't do shit but i still did. i just wished i had a pair of earphones to fill the silence with something other than the static. 

even the sound of my own breathing wasn't enough to outplay the static ringing in my ear.