my mom always told me that women fall in love through touch, and men fall in love through sight. i never really understood what that meant, but all i know is that my heart flutters a lot when you and i share little touches here and there. 

and maybe i wouldn't feel that way if my mom had never told me that; and maybe it was her saying that to me in the first place that makes me feel like that. maybe touches might have never meant anything to me if she never said that. i don't know. but i'm very vulnerable to touch anyway and i've been deprived of that lately. 

on a completely different subject, i've been having a hard time looking at people face-to-face because my lips are beginning to look, um, not very attractive. and i don't think i look that great in red lipstick, which i put on in an attempt to kind of hide it. my skin has also been dry, which doesn't help my self-confidence at all, because i place too much self-value in appearances and other people's judgments. and i guess i might hate myself for that. 

i'm trying to do this thing where i write the good things that happened on a day where i felt particularly terrible, so i bought a little notebook and pen to carry around. i haven't started it yet, but maybe it'll help.

we had suicide training at sspc meeting today and that must have been one of the hardest things i had to do this semester. it made me feel powerless and 11 years old again, and it made me feel useless and 14. 

i forgot how much i like to do jigsaw puzzles because i haven't thought about what i do solely for enjoyment in a long time.